“You always reached out to me and helped me believe
All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them
The truth of it is there’s a right way to live
And you showed me
So now you live on in the words of a song
You’re a melody”—Creed’s “Stand Here With Me”
Please come now I think I’m falling
I’m holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I’m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I’m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
11:46 am: Time to text all of my immediately family members to say I love you.
12:00 pm: [board the plane]
12:01 pm: Let’s see… I’m in 11F. Ok, that’s one, two, three rows behind the exit. Not bad. And I’m in front of the wing. Chances of surviving a crash: moderate.
12:08 pm: Are you kidding. ARE YOU KIDDING. This woman is 350 lbs. She is going to box me in during an evacuation. I hate the window seat. I hate Northwest.
12:10 pm: [watch intently as the flight attendant gives the exit row passengers their instructions]
12:11 pm: That motherfucker isn’t even listening. I hate him.
12:35 pm: Ohhhh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God. I hate taking off, I hate taking off. This runway feels too short. Are we careening off?
12:37 pm: Minimal cloud coverage, just get through the clouds. What was that noise?
12:40 pm: Ok, focus on this magazine. Jesus, Leeann Rimes is such a slamtroll.
12:37 pm: Ah, we’re turning. I hate when we turn. This is a shotty turn. No really, this is a horrible turn. We’re vertical. This plane is vertical.
12:45 pm: Have we reached our cruising altitude yet? I need to listen to music. Is it safe to turn on electronic devices yet? Why is this taking so long?
12:48 pm: [electronic devices announcement]
12:49 pm: Who will calm me down? Beyonce? No. That bitch flies G5s. She wouldn’t understand. Kelly? YES, Kelly. She’s been through a lot of adversity. Like being fat, then skinny and then fat again.
12:50 pm: My liiiiiiiiiiiiife would suck withooooooouuuutttt you.
12:52 pm: Whose life would such without me if I died on this plane? Pete’s would. Totally. He would be a mess. There is no way he could pay our rent.
12:53 pm: Oh this is good. I like this. We’re level, we’re smooth, it’s sunny. Ahhhh. I might just rest my eyes for a second.
12:57 pm: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
12:58 pm: [captain announcement about rough turbulence]
12:59 pm: Oh God. I can’t believe we’re going to crash. I can’t believe I’m going to die on a business trip on a connecting flight between Detroit and Madison, Wisconsin. I should have lived my life more fully. What was I waiting for? If I survive this, Pete and I are going to get married immediately and have four babies and I’ll never fly again.
1:05 pm: [rough air ends]
1:06 pm: You are being ridiculous. Remember what Papa said. If the plane is bumpy, that’s fine. It just means there is air under the wings. Vibrating is what you need to worry about because it indicates something technical is wrong.
1:08 pm: Pshh, I really think I’m getting better about flying. I know I am!
1:10 pm: THE ENTIRE PLANE IS VIBRATING. What was that? Did the engine just shut off?
1:20 pm: I suppose the engine is still on.
1:25 pm: [announcement about final descent]
1:26 pm: I feel like he’s taking us down too fast. Whoa, this is too fast. We are way too close to these houses. Oh look, those people have an above ground pool. Holy shit, we are going to land in this cul-de-sac.
1:28 pm: Did the landing gear come out? It sounds like it’s stuck. It’s definitely stuck. When we skid along the runway on the plane’s belly and the gas tanks explode, which rows will it affect first?
1:32 pm: [plane lands and flight attendant announces local time] Wow, that felt longer than an hour.
1:49 pm: [enter airport] Where is baggage claim?
1:34 pm: Oh! There’s a Popeyes. I wonder if I have time for a biscuit.
>> Ok, this is EXACTLY what it's like in my head during a plane flight. Kudos @http://literallygenevieveclare.com/, cuz this is hilariousss, and ohsotrue, because flying is terrifying.
Just bought my tickets for the 12:10 a.m. showing of New Moon on November 20th. Crazy that they’re already selling out. Also I opted for the :10 showing because it was WAY less crazy at the HBP midnight release than the :01 lines. I sat smushed up against the screen after waiting in line for 1.5 hours. Not worth it.